Mind Snacks and Nibbles

This blog post goes forward, backward, this way and that in some randomised time machine to give me some context for my today! Warning ⚠️ it's a long one but hopefully you see my point. No pictures, as I'm penning from my I-pad and it's throwing a strop all of its own accord, so I'm choosing my battles!! The thrust of today’s blog is that concept of ‘self sabotage’... a term I don’t like to use, but most people understand what I mean- that want to do something, but you 'spoil' it for yourself for no apparent reason. So I’m on holiday at the mo- Arrived in Prague. 3 weeks from now, I have a work convention to go to. It’s an extended weekend of informative talks, award ceremonies and partying hard. In the spirit of the latter, I seriously need to get my 💩 together because I need to fit into a dress that I bought months ago. I tried it on just the other week, and let’s just say it was a squash and a squeeze and it sent me into a bit of a panic, I...

So, I have been quiet this last week - unusual for me, I normally have lots to think on, lots to say. Maybe the world can breathe a sigh of relief that I have shut up for 5 minutes! So, today I just want to celebrate- yes celebrate my 'inadequacy' and pay tribute to what this encapsulates for me; It's being able to look the past week in the eye and say no matter what - 'It's okay' ... Look at my face earlier last week....Depleted....to me, that is my own look of  'finished off'. Why is she taking a selfie then? Well, it was a selfie to remind me that I don't always feels like that, no matter how unending that despair might feel when I'm in that unrelenting zone of 'flatness' inside. Last week, I have to be honest, my children felt the nutritious benefits of pasta, in all different shapes and sizes. Hang on, I’m being a little harsh on myself, I did mix it up a little with a ‘sandwich’ dinner on our busy ‘...

So, a topic I guess that's close to me on my own personal level. I thought I'd keep my post simple today with a little poem I penned from the heart: Ode to the Words of My Mind: Sometimes I can’t hear the words. Sometimes I can’t read the words. Sometimes I can’t feel the words. The words are the abrasive white noise of the mind, -they just shout in that space they dominate. But sometimes, just sometimes, I  can hear the words, when I allow my drums to really listen. And sometimes, just sometimes, I  can read the words, when I widen my lenses to open and accept. And sometimes, just sometimes, I  can feel the words, when my hands break free from the chains that bind. With practice, I can quieten the words in the mind. I can be calm and be still. I can tame the mind from the wild winds that torment in the harshest winters of my reality. I can learn to do this with the passing of each ‘now’, with the patience of my inner...

So this weekend has been an interesting one from an experience point of view... Saturday night I spent buggled up with my hot water bottle and warm clothes in the cool calm open cinema in Reigate's Priory Park with some of my good friends. A more autumnal evening meant no fizz... more like a hot chocolate kind of night!  We were watching with nostalgia 'Pretty Woman'. We sat there enjoying every minute of it. There was one scene that struck me - a pillow talk special! : Edward: You could be so much more... Vivian: People put you down, you start to believe it... Edward: I think you are a very bright, very special woman. Vivian: I think the bad stuff is easier to believe - ever noticed that? I connected with that scene, not necessarily because of it's romantic connotation, although admittedly I had wished I was pillow chit chatting with Richard Gere! I could understand the sentiment - believing in the bad stuff, because of ease, rather than be...

So this morning I grudgingly put on my running attire to attempt a run with my friends at Reigate Ladies Joggers.  Stacked against me, in my eyes, was: 1. The weather- it was tipping it down. 2. The sheer will/effort- for me to run it takes me serious and continued 'application'.  It's not a skill I am natural at despite my hunter/gatherer instincts!  3. I hadn't run for 2 weeks- I would be out of puff! 4. The self doubt - My mundane internal conversation that says I can't run, can't do distance, can't do speed. I think 4 things on this list is quite sufficient. It about covers it the thick of it! Still, I dropped the kiddies off, and onward I went to the meeting point in the car park over in Reigate.  Now, given my general sentiment this morning, I could quite easily have talked myself out of going at numerous points, listed below: 1. When I got up and knew I had this as my agenda in the morning. 2. The min...

Hello, my name is Vidya. Mum to five pets, three small humans, two small reptiles, and wife to my best friend, from as far back as I can remember. I'm new to all this blogging malarky, but for the sheer love of the written/spoken word and what makes us tick in that mind emotionally, psychologically and beyond, I have decided that I would dip my toe in the water and see what it feels like to have my own blog.  I guess here is the point that I introduce a bit of my story and what has brought me to this point. Well, you see I used to be this 'larger than life' character. I medicated myself through the good times and the bad with food. It was my crutch. In November 2016 I had had enough of getting by and tripping from one food/drink fix to the next just to exist. I don't know what snapped within me, but something did snap. I was probably at one of my all time lowest in life, the outside world would never have guessed it. I laughed my way through life loudly, to ...