It's okay... to celebrate

So, I have been quiet this last week - unusual for me, I normally have lots to think on, lots to say. Maybe the world can breathe a sigh of relief that I have shut up for 5 minutes!

So, today I just want to celebrate- yes celebrate my 'inadequacy' and pay tribute to what this encapsulates for me; It's being able to look the past week in the eye and say no matter what - 'It's okay'...

Look at my face earlier last week....Depleted....to me, that is my own look of  'finished off'. Why is she taking a selfie then? Well, it was a selfie to remind me that I don't always feels like that, no matter how unending that despair might feel when I'm in that unrelenting zone of 'flatness' inside.

Last week, I have to be honest, my children felt the nutritious benefits of pasta, in all different shapes and sizes. Hang on, I’m being a little harsh on myself, I did mix it up a little with a ‘sandwich’ dinner on our busy ‘club’ evening of the week. I had lost the will to serve up ‘exciting’ dinners only to be met with one, two or three disappointed faces. They usually take one look and pass judgement on the dish of the day. Last week, I exerted myself, just enough to do a quick calculation on the effort to reward ratio and decided effort would not be rewarded. If they go off pasta this week because I literally overcooked it last,  then I will have to take that bullet, but for the week I had had, I think they realised it was the more peaceful option. I had no energy for a dinnertime collision course. Is it okay that pasta was served up majority of the time last week? -It's okay. 

To many mummies and daddies out there, it can feel like groundhog day, so entrenched is the ‘system’ of routine. I need routine, as do my little peeps, but it’s performing the routine day in day out that can seem the monotonous bit. I know, I am supposed to say unequivocally that I love ‘bedtimes’ with the kids, it’s lovely reading/chatting to them and blah blah blah, but again, there are times I am entitled to accept that I don’t love it, without guilt.  I love my kids so much, I would do anything for them, but doesn’t mean that I love them any less just because there are some days I don’t love doing the things I was built, designed and meant to do as a parent ALL OF THE TIME. To feel this way - It's okay.

Also, last week, and strike that most days, I struggled/struggle with ‘Mummy!’, ‘Mummy!’ and ’Mummy!’ verbalised at the same time, in three different pitches, one usually loud, one whining, one whispering…all three craving my attentiveness at the same time about three different subject matters.  I feel sad for the children sometimes, that I didn’t evolve to have three ears when I gave birth to them. This would have helped them so much. I say that, but maybe I would have chosen to plug them all! A further reason probably to beat myself up, is that if I don’t make eye contact with them in their dire time of need, then one of them usually gets the hump with me. But you know?-Even that- It's okay.

"Hi honey - how was your day?", as hubby swans in from work wafting a bunch of flowers under my nose as he gives me a fleeting kiss on his way, twirling past to lovingly wrestle with the boys, as I am preparing yet another bowl of pasta (!!!), is a dreamy slant on reality. Both of us as Mummy and Daddy, Husband and Wife, do the best we can given our respective days. Filled with love, for our life together and our little bunch but a silent understanding that life isn't always easy, and the hard bits come as well as go keeps us ticking. During my own wobbles, he is the constant and vice versa. And to tick by when sometimes you're both so tired and frankly knackered from life itself, well - It's okay. 

To feel sometimes as though you are not connecting all the time, despite on the whole feeling 'happily married' is no reflection on your general understanding of one another. Sometimes life is just busy, like passing ships you may be - It's okay. To use the analogy, you both may be reading the same book You both are actually on the same page, but just for moments at a time, you may just be reading different paragraphs. One of you is reading a bit quicker than the other. The challenge of any relationship is to work at matching your reading speed so that you can read together most of the time. The attention you give to certain words, what resonates with each of you in what you are reading can be different. When you are pursuing your own reading speeds for moments in time - It's okay.

So, you catch my drift -It's okay. Everything is generally okay, sometimes even when you feel utterly 'inadequate', worn out and so utterly exhausted as I did for most of last week! Most of what we feel is fleeting, temporary and will pass with the passage of time. Forgive yourself for not being this 'perfect' vision 100% all of the time. To experience what 'good' feels like, you have to feel the not-so-good days too. And to that, I say  - It's okay...it's really alright to say okay. 

Okay means you accept and when you accept, you can get on and move forward with what is to come...

Okay?

The Mind Traveller x